Happiness

                                                                   HAPPINESS

Are you a happy person?  I ask myself that question, frequently.  How do we begin to
define, happiness? 

Is happiness based on your successes in life?  Do you feel happy because your financially secure?
Do I feel happy based on what I have?  Who likes me?  how many friends I have?
How much money do I have in my bank account?  Lets be totally HONEST here.

Is happiness based on a "what"?  NO, in my opinion, happiness is not about your money,
or how successful you are in business, or what you have.

Happiness is based, on WHO YOU ARE, inside.   Happiness is internal, not external. I wish I could write and tell you I am a completely happy person.  As I have mentioned in previous posts, depression, is something that I suffer with.  Depression is based on a chemical imbalance in the brain.  I am short on a neurotransmitter called, serotonin. 

However, the way I define happiness, even when I feel depressed, is to count my blessings.

I am so very lucky.  I have two beautiful children, who I adore.  I am a lucky mother.

In the past, like any parent, I have made mistakes with my children.  I also have acknowledged
those mistakes.  My children do not hold my mistakes against me.  My daughter lives in approximately an hours drive from me, but makes an effort, almost every weekend during the summer, and any holiday breaks to come and visit me.

My son, is an incredible blessing.  He helps me when I am overwhelmed, as I have a pain disorder
that also makes it difficult to be HAPPY.  Physically, I don't feel well, frequently, but my children understand. 

Why am I telling you this?  Because, I have done so much soul searching, and found, that the happiest I feel, is when I am doing something for others.  Because I am limited, as to what that is, due
to the pain disorder I mentioned, I can write, and pray that someone out there is being helped by reading this. 

I am going to give some advice on other ways to be happy as I often have to resort to these tactics myself.  Happiness in a direct connection with LOVE.  I am so fortunate to have a man that loves me with all of his heart.  We have come full circle, and I never appreciated that, until, something happened to TEACH me a lesson.

Until six months ago, I was involved in an abusive relationship. I allowed this person to lie, cheat on me, continue a relationship with another woman and her children, on the side, which never really ended.  I became, numb to all the horrible things, and enjoyed the few moments of  "my definition of happiness" at that time. 

 in the end, I finally dug up the strength to break the addiction to him, and let him go,
as ultimately, was me, feeling like NOTHING who kept trying to reconnect with him, as we would break up off and on.  I kept returning, after he broke it off, because I was physically addicted.

The pain and hurt I felt, was daily.  I somehow thought subconsciously, I WOULD BE HAPPY, if we could just be together.  How did I fall for all the lies, and even worse, accept that treatment? 

 I did not love myself.  I thought, because of my recent disability, and loss of previous career, there was NO way to be happy.  I somehow, lost my way, and believed I no longer had anything to offer, so I accepted scraps, and pieces of a "relationship", which in the end, never was one.

How very lost I was.  My love now,  is with the father of my children, and so complete and I don't have to beg for affection.  He appreciates every aspect of who I am, and adores me. I never question his loyalty, and I trust him.   He has loved me in this way over the past 20 years.  I TOOK THAT FOR GRANTED.  I was "unhappy" every day, with the other relationship.  I found, the real issue, through much counseling, was, I felt undeserving, of anyone who was capable of real love, and my definition of happiness, was very skewed. 

Happiness, is not based on the approval or disapproval of another human being.  It is based on you.  You need to be happy with who you are.  Write down your attributes.  Do some soul searching after reading this today.  I think happiness is about loving yourself, as God made you.  HAPPINESS IS NOT BASED ON "BEING IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF".  Happiness has so many aspects,
and I can't cover them all.  I can share this, with you:  HAPPINESS IS BASED ON GIVING, NOT RECEIVING.  What we receive, at the end of the day, unless appreciated, simply goes to the wayside.  Who, at the end of the day, lives we are able to touch in a positive way, is what really matters, because that is what love is.

I can, as painful as it was, share  my story of what it took for me to learn how to be happy most of the time.  I learned to love one of the aspects of happiness: myself, the good, bad and imperfection.   I do what I can, to help others.

In order to help others,   I had to learn more about ME.  I now appreciate daily, who loves me, and am so grateful they do.  God did for me, what I could not do for myself.  He gave me the strength to walk away from the previous relationship, and appreciate, myself, as he could not.

He also gave me, through a tough lesson, a much clearer definition of how and who to be happy with.

Are you confused with what being happy means?  You are human....Don't punish yourself for missed opportunities to be happy....Simply, start this moment, with changing your perception of what happiness is, so you can work towards it. 

We are all lost, and then found, many times in our life.   SL